I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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