DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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