I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
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I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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