In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
