Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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