Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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