whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
being pregnant is like rehab
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
