My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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