fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
