Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
