I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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