Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize