How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
