I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
