can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
