I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
