i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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