either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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