Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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