Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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