I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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