No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
