Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
