We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
