I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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