If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
