what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
