dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
