I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
