Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
