Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
