there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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