Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize