2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
