Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
pray to the hookup gods
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
