I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
