Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
