ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She's JV to your varsity
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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