just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
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I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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