I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
