It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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