he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
