i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize