She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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