I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
