so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
