i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
