I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
