He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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