i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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