Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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