Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Randomize
