know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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