This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
