You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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