i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
