So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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