Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
