When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....