Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.