I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
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I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
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let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.