She's JV to your varsity
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
if only i could text you this smell
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.