I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
