I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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