I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Floor bacon is actually really good
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
