i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
