That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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