I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
