I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
