I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
