Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
