dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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