can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
zippers are such a cool invention
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
