This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
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My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
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I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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