Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
