I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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