Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
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